New Years Eve

“ Although he cultivated a flamboyant stage personality, Mercury was shy and retiring when not performing, particularly around people he did not know well,  and granted very few interviews. Mercury once said of himself: "When I'm performing I'm an extrovert,  yet inside I'm a completely different man."  While on stage, Mercury basked in the love from his audience” - Freddy Mercury Everything. If I could describe myself, it would be exactly this. Observant and very much to myself around new people. I know I am a lot to handle. I am fully aware. So I give that respect to those at first and hold back. Once I’m out of my shell, all I want is to make people laugh. Freddy Mercury is mostly what I am. Entertainment. Free. Expressive.  I say constantly all the time, “I don’t realize what I say till after I’ve already said it.” My mouth has gotten me into a lot of trouble.  But then again.. I honestly could give a fuck as well.  Joke em’ if they can’t take a...

I was told the other day, “I don’t know how you’ve done it. If that shit happened to me, I would have been killed myself.” Drunken words speak sober thoughts they say. I know I talk little here and there about it but only when it is when I am deep conversation and in teaching a lesson to a feeble mind. Even now I can’t even say the word. I’ve edited this and erased most. There is a lot of anger still there. Withheld anger and unanswered questions. However, forgiveness has over thrown that. I have sunken deep, deep into the crevices of my mind to find some sort of “peace” if you will. However, with all the experiences I have faced, even in this exact moment. I would do it all again. Everyone knows that there is a chance of getting hurt. That is part of the “reality” that is in line with the dream. But like I said, I’d do it all again. I fought myself every day. Every day. For so long. That dream became a reality. A whole reality that I thought was a dream. Now they are just memo...

I cant recall the exact conversation but my answer ended up being that I feel like I am lost. Lost with who I am, who my friends are and where I see myself in the next moments. I know who I am and my own values but when I have someone saying that I am one thing and says something negative, I find myself not being as confident as I thought I am. I second guess. But I try to talk myself out of the whole second guessing and say that this is a learning experience and to grow from it. I know that this can sound very confusing without examples, but the fact that I am even laying here in my bed when I write these posts is one thing, but to giving specifics into my life is completely different. It has to do with me being private and with recent events happening in my life, I have found myself more private and distant BUT that is another story for another day. I believe the answer I don't know was to a question, that of course I can not recall, but I was told that people who answered th...