No Se

I cant recall the exact conversation but my answer ended up being that I feel like I am lost. Lost with who I am, who my friends are and where I see myself in the next moments. I know who I am and my own values but when I have someone saying that I am one thing and says something negative, I find myself not being as confident as I thought I am. I second guess. But I try to talk myself out of the whole second guessing and say that this is a learning experience and to grow from it. I know that this can sound very confusing without examples, but the fact that I am even laying here in my bed when I write these posts is one thing, but to giving specifics into my life is completely different. It has to do with me being private and with recent events happening in my life, I have found myself more private and distant BUT that is another story for another day.

I believe the answer I don't know was to a question, that of course I can not recall, but I was told that people who answered the way I did, tend to be people who are "waiting for something to happen." I immediately said to myself, "Hmm." I am aren't I? 

I always try to look at a story for both sides, if there are only 2 sides to a story, and take from what I can. I  know that there can be negative people in your life that would want to bring you down to their level of unhappiness and will say some not so nice things. I am fully aware of that. 

I am not saying that I don't take criticism well, but I am also saying that I don't take criticism well.

My third grade teacher told my parents in a conference that I, "ask a lot of questions." With that I felt bad, like, "Oh, I am sorry. I didn't mean to pry or think more into things than needed to be." Then I thought well I just wanted to understand more. I truly think that there is always room to learn more and that I can hold infinite amount of information. It is retaining that is the tricky part.

So with that said, that is where the whole I don't take criticism well. It is because I think to myself, "Why didn't I think of or interpret it that way in the first place?"

I find myself thinking to myself constantly, "Why did I interpret it that way and not the way majority of people do." Constantly. Why do I think differently. Am I naive? I try to not look at it negatively but it can feel lonely in a way so it can be difficult.

I just keep telling myself to slow down with my own thoughts and just live in the moment. Take it one step and breath at a time. Take a leap and shoot my shot. I need to stop holding back. I suppose I am just scared of being hurt again. And again. But that is all part of it all right? I know that, I really do. But why do I find myself holding back when it comes down to it? I just don't.. know..

I just find myself saying, "I don't know," quite a lot.


.
.
.
.
.

Oh, happy anniversary to this blog and a happy new year.