Currently and Since

It has almost been a year. I often wonder how I am going to feel that particular day. If it is the correct feeling mostly.

Since then, I have felt mostly numbness. I have always had the character of going with the flow but now even more so. I feel that I have less fear.


Maybe I am confusing it with strength. I have always thought to myself that until I have my own children that I will live my life for my sister and brother. If they need a lung, I'll give them one. If they need a kidney, I'll give them one. I feel that is my sole responsibility being here. So with that, maybe this numbness is my subconscious telling me that I need to show strength. Not so much as a macho kind but more of a, "Watch. See me? I am ok. So since I am ok, you will be ok too," kind of vibe.


It is just that numbness is so very very prominent. I just don't know what to do with it. I do not know what it wants. But I suppose that is the point of it. To not feel. To just.. carry on.


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