Imperfections

”That’s what I miss the most. It’s the little idiosyncrasies that I only know about.” “People call these things imperfections, but they are not. They are the good stuff. And then we get to choose who we get to let in into our weird little worlds.”

I remember a particular phone call we had. At the end of the phone conversation I told them, “I just wanted to let you know, that you really are my best friend.” They cried and said ok bye. Then we hung up. 

It’s one thing to hang a set a friends that you hang out with. So say for example I have a friend that I call my best friend. I tell them some of my secrets or thoughts. Things I wouldn’t just tell a friend. But mostly I am able to be myself completely around them. With the goof offs and the bullshit. The ability to be free. I believe that your significant other should be just that. There shouldn’t be any hiding of doing this or doing that. Order should be equal. I’m not talking about some feminist bullshit or any of that. Strictly talking about being with your equal. Who understand your bullshit and you understand theirs. When you know when you speak up and give them a “helping hand,” and when you shut up and let them carry on to let the frustration out.

And they were just that. 

I love the feeling of being FREE. The ability to be yourself and to feel that euphoria of quite literally of not giving a fuck.  So when I am standing there in a group setting and I see someone telling a story to everyone and people become uninterested and go off or interrupt about something else, I will get their attention and continue on with the conversation.. Whether it is myself or raising my voice so that the other will realize that it was rude to carry on somewhere else. And their story could honestly be really boring to me  and I have no reason to hear what they say. But people like talking about themselves and or what they were feeling in that moment. But I do not want them to feel bad or unwanted because someone one louder or more popular in the group of friends will taking the attention. 

“You ever wonder what your life would be like if you never met your wife?” “What wonder if I’d be better off with out her?”

 “Because you’ll have bad times. But that’ll always wake you up to the good stuff that you weren’t paying attention to.” 

“And you don’t regret meeting your wife?”

“Why cause of the pain I feel now?”

I’ve said once that who I am now is completely different from who I was a year ago. The feelings and the thoughts I had never experience before. The views I have now were hard to come by. I’m not saying that I wasn’t searching for them because I feel like there was some personal goal of mine that, I never said aloud or even allowed my self to think about, I knew I could feel more. It’s like my brain hasn’t completely met its capacity. And it still doesn’t. But what I’m saying is that yes, I did come across these feelings and views from a death. It’s completely fucked up. In my sane mind I understand that. But to say that I don’t wish this wisdom on anyone, I would be lying. There are endless possibilities and/or theories of what ifs.  I’m sure people can gain this wisdom in a much different setting or way than I have. But do I regret meeting them and feeling the pain I’m in? No. I will never say anything different. I she ALWAYS said that I don’t regret much of anything in my life. Because at that moment in time, I wanted what ever it was. So I made that decision, that selfish decision, to do so. So how is it that we can learn from things, if there is no failure or hurt? Exactly. We can’t. It’s called human error. 

Never take advantage of the good times. Take a moment when you are with all your friends and or loved ones. Really appreciate that time. Because some will start to fade away with new jobs and or families. And some may fade away forever.